I feel really confused right now. Confused because everyone is silently shouting so loudly I want to cover my ears and say “lalalalalala I can’t hear you” like my three year old has been guilty of before. It is difficult to know who to listen to…or more likely, it’s easy to say “I’m not listening to anyone.”
This isn’t new. But 2020 certainly has magnified it.
As a questioner of everything, a researcher of everything (I mean everything. The toothbrush I own is based on my own independent research and many google hours logged), and someone who doesn’t really like to be told how to think/feel/believe, this season has been super weird for me.
There’s so much information and not enough time or mental space to consume it all. But consuming it all is exactly what I want to do because it’s how I’m wired.
And then as a writer, I want to read and learn allthethings but then SHARE what I’ve found. What I’ve found over years of doing this, either via words on a screen or words from my lips, is that a lot of people aren’t interested in all the things I’ve discovered. That can be for any number of reasons, and mostly, those reasons just don’t matter. Sometimes our words need to be said and sometimes they don’t, and all the time it’s hard to know which is which. When I am in doubt, I write the words down for myself and let God and time reveal if they are share-worthy.
So begins this weird journey of figuring out what to say and what to leave out– not because I want to censor myself but because I don’t write for myself.
If I were writing only for me, I’d keep a diary and be done with it.
2020 has brought with it an advent of a diary of sorts for me– I don’t need to publish a list of everything that happened from the beginning of the coronavirus to economy problems to murder hornets to racial injustice and reconciliation conversations.
I’m keeping track of my words on the state of our nation right now, but not all of that is necessary or beneficial information for anyone else. But if you like to write, you know what I’m talking about– you can’t not write it somewhere. It’s learning that you don’t have to share everything that can be tricky for some of us (myself included). Because sometimes, we DO have to share. Why do we have a voice and an opinion if it is only ever to keep silent?
I’m getting carried away.
Here’s the truth- my life has been relatively easy, so when I say what I’m about to say, we should all take it with a grain of salt (me included)– these past few months have been hard. Not because of ANY event that’s gone on so far in 2020, but because of all the verbal venom surrounding EVERY event that’s gone on so far in 2020.
So do we look away? I don’t know. I think sometimes we choose to look away or mute or unfollow someone– and we all do it for different reasons, but in some way or another it’s for some form of self preservation– mentally, emotionally, or if we feel some sort of friction forming that we don’t want to feel against a brother or sister based on words they’ve shared. I think that is tragic but necessary sometimes.
Most discouraging of all to me of late it seems Christians on either side of any issue– masks or no masks? Social distance or no social distance? White privilege or what privilege? Social justice or biblical justice? are so pitted against each other and not only is no loving dialogue taking place– either rude or hateful dialogue is taking place or NO dialogue at all is taking place.
I’m sure there’s a time and place for silence (see Ecclesiastes 3)…but my insides are really struggling with the amount of avoidance and irritation the Church at large seems to be having within her own body.
Y’all know we don’t have to see everything the same to still be friends, right? Y’all know grace is gonna speak a louder word than vitriol, right?
Is anyone else weary of seeing the type of exchange I’m talking about?
I am not making little or light of ANY thing that has gone on in 2020 or ANY number of years before this– and I would be overjoyed to have a loving and civil discussion with anyone, but my heart is so weary of the way we are consuming one another these days.
What are we doing?
I’ve mentioned similar feelings before about social media- it has always been capable of bringing our sin to the surface.
So while I’ve seen and read multiple BAJILLIONS of posts over the last 3 months, I would say more often than not, what is shared is laced with passive aggressive commentary, or outright rudeness, or shaming, and all of all of it centers on our own pride– and I’m talking about BELIEVERS. On any and every side of any issue. May it not be so. If my words have spewed venom, I ask you to forgive me!
We do not all have to be the exact dang same. We also do not have to be silent! But can we share in a spirit of love? Grace? Humility?
The Psalms took me through the worst days of the coronavirus, when everything felt so weird and when everyone was at war over all the varying forms of information blasting our brains.
Jesus’ words in Matthew and Paul’s in Galatians and David’s in Psalms and Solomon’s in Ecclesiastes are giving me comfort right now as the black community is asking to be heard, and the church is at odds over how to respond if at all.
I’m not here to tell you what to think– I’m just asking that you do!
And as a friend said the other day– if you’re overwhelmed or you don’t know what to read or who to trust, SHUT IT ALL DOWN and open your Bible.
For the Word is living and active. The Lord has been good to meet with me through His Word, and encourage me. The Lord has also shown me things through scripture that I hadn’t noticed before– stories or verses I’ve overlooked, sure, but also stories I’ve read multiple times and interpreted in my own favor when in fact, I should’ve felt convicted.
I am thankful for His grace to speak to me through His Word. My prayer is that in all circumstances, my eyes and heart will be open to His Truth alone– and this is my prayer for you, too, friends.
What is He teaching you these days? I’d love to hear!
May our words be used to edify and lift up, to love our neighbor, to beautifully season the world in which we have been placed. May we be known by our love.
Soli Deo Gloria.
©Alisha H. Cary
