Forbearance.
This word has been rolling around in my head this week– you know, when you can’t think of a word and none of the substitutes are good enough? I could feel it waiting for me but I couldn’t remember the exact word.
“Keep the peace?” “All things to all people?” yes and yes, but those weren’t the terms I was trying to remember.
Forbearance. That’s the one.
The Lord brought it to mind this morning.
How are you doing out there, friend?
I feel like we need a lot of forbearance right now.
Anyone feeling weary?
Anyone hurting?
This post is for all of the people feeling a little alone these days, and for all the people who know someone feeling a little alone these days.
So it’s for all of us.
I had a conversation with a friend the other day. It all started with some beef.
Not like a tussle, but actual beef.
She had a roast, straight from the butcher, she wanted to drop by my house. Because it was raw and frozen, she didn’t want to leave it on my porch (I appreciate this). I let her know I was home and I’d meet her outside to retrieve it.
That may seem like an event of somewhat un-epic proportions. But…my family is one who still isn’t really getting out in the world yet. And that can make navigating relationships a little tricky.
So I met my friend in my driveway. My friend I haven’t seen since March. My friend who has taken the time here and there over the past five months to send texts like “love and miss you. Looking forward to being face to face again. I’m praying for you.”
And while it wasn’t the hottest day of the year, the sun was bright and there we stood– with distance between us, and chatted for over an hour.
At some point, a conversation came up about a low grade level of stress always humming under the surface these days. This morphed into a conversation about distance and division felt within the body of Christ right now, and what are we supposed to do about it? What’s the answer?
And as I stood there, I thought– “oh, friend. You’re doing it. You’ve reminded me you haven’t forgotten me, even though we may have landed in a little bit of a different place for right now. You’ve texted, encouraged, and prayed for me. And brought me beef.”
That’s the answer. Not the beef, specifically. But the attitude.
It isn’t:
- Aggressive social media posts.
- Neglecting to check on friends we haven’t seen in months out of some sort of attitude brewing under our surface.
- Doing ANYTHING that causes our sisters in Christ to hurt or feel neglected or alone.
It is:
- Thinking before we speak/post (holding our tongue).
- Being willing to navigate hard conversations- even if it means saying “I’m not ready to talk about that right now, but can I get back to you when I’ve had time to process and pray?”
- Checking on our friends. Whether they’re out and about in the world or still working from and staying at home– remembering they are the same friends we had five months ago, and we need to be loving them just as well now as then, even if we are separated physically for now.
Forbearance. What does that word even mean?
When we have forbearance, we bear with one another in love. This is an enduring term. In it for the long haul and it won’t necessarily be easy.
With patience, longsuffering, humility, gentleness, and love, we bear with each other. We build one another up.
When we bear with one another in love, we recognize the world doesn’t revolve around us. We acknowledge everyone is struggling through something– certainly these days.
To do anything less is to be prideful, arrogant, and self-centered. No good fruit comes from this.
Where our sister is struggling or different from us in an area, we are to love her, not isolate her, not shelve the relationship.
Paul doesn’t ask the Ephesians, “So, do you think you can do this, guys?” He instructs– “Do this, guys.”
We don’t get to choose to be forbearing, even though YES it is hard sometimes slash all the time. We can not be eager to maintain the unity in the Spirit of the bond of peace without forbearance.
Have you ever experienced forbearance? When someone bears with you in love, humility, patience, and gentleness? If so, how did that feel?
It makes me feel loved.
We know the difference in a humble, patient, gentle love and a love that simply tolerates us– we know when we feel like a burden to someone. Nothing isolates us more.
Sister, you are not a burden.That doesn’t mean relationships are always easy. It means sometimes we have to talk through hard things, because sometimes that’s how we grow, that’s how we feel seen and how we see one another.
But in humility, there is grace and ROOM to grow when we do that. We don’t have to be the same to belong.
And when WE bear with someone in love, we are more free. Free of the root of bitterness. Free to embrace more sisters into our community– in person or from a distance.
The truth is, I think the majority of the body of Christ does try to understand and forbear in love. But in any situation, what type of voice is louder, a cheer or a boo?
Christians who refuse to yield their pride, be it in harsh words, ignorance, or passive-aggressiveness, may be the minority, but they’re louder… and it hurts.
Our hope is not in any man. Our hope is in Jesus. But His people are His ambassadors. And brethren, I’ve asked before and I’ll ask again– People are listening, so what are we saying?
Lord, where there is hurt, bring healing. Bring humility. Bring forbearance.
How have you loved during this time? How have you been loved?
From Ephesians 4, ESV
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Soli Deo Gloria
